Sunday, November 1, 2009

Please Don't Judge Me

I'm not super mom. I'm not super wife. I'm not super teacher. I'm not super friend. I'm just Erin, and I'm human at that.

I can't do it all. I need help. I work at Sylvan and tell them I'm working for my "diaper fund," so they give me a consistent 4 hours a week. I've decided that that is also the "floor cleaning fund." With Elsie about to take off, any day now, I need help keeping my house clean enough for baby, so I've been asking around for companies, services, and rates. Saturday, a sweet woman named Sharon who I learned about through our church family came over so that she could see what was involved. She was only coming to look, but she ended up staying for an hour to help. It's amazing how much work two people can get done in an hour when their goals are shared. We were able to sort and clean the living room, dining room, and sweep/mop all the floors. It was a different place. I could breathe (only figuratively--literally I needed my inhaler and a later a breathing treatment because of all the dust/allergens kicked up). Just that little bit made a huge difference, but I will continue to need help. Sharon's specialty is that she's a good organizer. I think I will have her come once a month (at least) to help me out. I'm also going to hire a professional cleaning service (also someone from church) to come and do a thorough ceiling fan to baseboard cleaning of the house, disinfecting anything and everything--as an early Christmas present to myself before the busyness of the holidays sets in.

Of course, once the floors were clean, Coco decided it would be a good time to get sick all over the place. C'est la vie.

On a different note, I just read my friend's post about the childcare workers at her church being surprised, in a condescending way, that she's still nursing her 10-month-old. Really? People can be so callous sometimes when they don't even know it. Which reminds me...

I told you about a date night that Eli and I went on a couple of weeks ago. The contact point for the event was a woman I had never met, a stay-at-home mom to three. She sat at the table behind us and we got to talking, and she said that she remembered me say that it was feeding time for Elsie and conversationally asked if I was nursing or formula feeding. I told her. She wanted to know how I did that and worked full time, so I told her I was pumping while at work and nursing at home. Her response, "I don't know how you do it. I had to pump two or three times and I hated it." Thanks. Two or three times total? With three kids? How very fortunate for her. I pump two or three times A DAY because I do what I have to do. The irrational part of me wanted to tell her to shut. up. But I didn't. I'm sure her intent was not malicious, but her words weren't really thought out, either. I pretty much let the conversation die and walked away. What do you say to that and save face?

Anyway, we're doing well for this All Saints Day. We're about to have our first homecooked meal in I-don't-know-how-long, and going up to the church for a deacon meeting. We're down to one car again, as the Subaru is in the shop getting the A/C re-fixed. I think that's all the updates for now.



Anonymous said...

honey, what can i say? people just shouldn't talk. there are a lot of women out their who understand exactly what you are going through, but there's probably more who don't. just know this: quinn got breastfed (nursed and pumped) for 12 months. {i honestly would have done it for longer but started drying up.} and he has never had an ear infection, a cold, a cough, the flu...he has never developed any fat on his body. he is a lean, mean, muscular little one year old. so it DOES all pay off. sometimes it doesn't feel like it. sometimes it feels like you're working too hard. just say, "i feel like i'm doing what's best for my child and what the american academy of pediatrics recommends!"

the other people who shouldn't talk, people telling my 6 month pregnant sister-in-law that she looks like she's 9 months pregnant or carrying twins. really? i would say, "how would that make you feel if i said that to you?" so insensitive.

HANG IN THERE. {i'm jealous that you are getting cleaning help, maybe i should do that too}

thecuellars said...

you are absolutely doing the best thing for you and elsie. but be careful not to judge the other way too. breastfeeding and pumping doesn't work for me. and when people say things like "i do what i have to do for my baby" or "my baby has never had a cold or an ear infection" it puts blame on the mother for her choice even when she sometimes doesn't have a choice. i couldn't breastfeed eventhough i wish i could have. it is the best and you should do it as long as you can and as long as you're able. but there are those of us who can't or don't and believe me, we get judged as well.

Craig-Jen said...

What I quickly learned was people fall in one of two camps when it comes to their children. Do you room in with your baby or put them in the nursery? Do you breastfeed or formula feed? Do you co-sleep or not? What I do may not work for you.

Shrug it off. To each his own. It does go both ways. I personally feel like breastfeeding is best for me. Someone else may prefer formula and we can both be friends.

I think it's great that you're getting help with the house. Spending time with your family on your off time is more important in the long run then the extra money you may have saved. Just think of the money you're dedicating towards cleaning is the money you saved from not buying formula!

Anonymous said...

i certainly did not mean for my comment to start such a discussion. i was trying to relate to you personally and speak from my own experience. i know that there are many experiences out their and everyone tries their best to do the best for their child/children.

i definitely don't judge the other way around and apologize if what i said came out too strong. i have many friends who have been in the "thecuellars" shoes and wanted to breastfeed and were unable. They, too, have wonderful babies. Then I have other friends that did nursing and formula at the same time. With the same outcome, a wonderful baby.

Like "craig-jen" said, to each his own. And like "thecuellars" said, you are doing the best thing for you and elsie.