Thursday, November 12, 2009

Eulogy for a Gate

No matter what anyone said about it, it was definitely a gate. Because of its presence making our home a part of a so-called "gated community," we were theoretically safter, and therefore, more rent could be charged. If nothing else, it at least did its part in earning its room and board.

Only, if only, the gate had even worked the first year that we lived here. But, alas, it would stand open, forlornly, not knowing what to do. It missed receiving its friendly signal from the clickers in the passing cars. It could only watch us come and go, and could not prevent it.

Until summer. It was as if the gate came alive! And what trouble it caused to make up for the many months of being cast aside as an iron ornament on the property! It would play its silly games, pretending it didn't know that it was supposed to be open from 7am to 7 pm, sometime closing at 4pm, and sometimes not opening until after 8am. Teehee. What a joker it was!

And it would tease visitors with its little call box, giving hope that entrance could be had with the press of the button, only to inappropriately laugh at them for getting out of their cars to use the inconvenient keypad on the passenger side of the car that is not accessible except by foot, finding only three fictitious names listed, ones that started with the letters X, Y, and Z, pre-programmed as the manufacturer trial names. Mwahaha! It was shameless.

Though it still continued to open and close at wanton hours, it finally was preparing to be disciplined by its makers who intended to finally (after 15 months of our residency) put resident names in the magic list of numbers. The little gate would play no more tricks. But unfortunately, little gate played one trick too many. While most were hopeful that the little gate would soon be fully functional, er...disciplined, someone got mad and wanted retribution. Unfortunately, I was the one to find the poor thing in its debilitated state. And I wept bittersweet [nonexistent] tears.

Rest In Peace, little [annoying, bothersome, maddening, elitist] gate.

(Our neighbor was speculating that it may have been his "scorned lady friend" who caused this damage.)



Stacey L King said...

May it rest in pieces. Amen.

Craig-Jen said...

Funny! We had the same problems with our "gated" community. But it did work half the time. I could also see a sensor that it could read to open the gate, but the front office said we couldn't program our cars or buy a clicker. Amazingly, they all had clickers or had programed their cars...I do not miss that place.

stephanie said...

this post just made my life.