Tuesday, December 13, 2011


I just got home and should be asleep, but I need to write this.

Tonight was the choir concert at school. I had planned to go for a while, and I have been very excited about it. I got to sit in and listen to the choir one day while I was getting my observation (we have to do one peer observation each semester) out of the way and that sounded fantastic, enough that I wanted to hear the whole repertoire. I was not disappointed.

After the concert, I headed over to the downtown pub to have an impromptu, last-minute night out with the girls from church. I tell you, I crave this interaction with other women and I honestly don't feel I get enough of it. So when I received a text message this morning about it, I was ecstatic because I was already scheduled to be out of the house for bedtime for the concert--I would just tack one more thing on.

I sat at a table with seven other women and there were multiple conversations going on at once. I was so encouraged by the openness and honesty of these amazing women. Hey, you know what? I am not alone. These feelings I have about being busy, about balancing work and motherhood and having friends (or lack thereof) are not unique.

I'm not the only one cycling through three pairs of pants because none of my clothes fit me. I'm not the only one who feels awkward when hanging out with people, even people I know. I'm not the only one who feels busyness that is overwhelming. I'm not the only one who feels lonely at this motherhood thing. I'm not the only one who is exhausted at the end of the day. I'm not the only one who considered not going tonight because of the aforementioned exhaustion.

It's so strange, but I feel like a burden has been lifted. Could I even go so far as to say that a veil of conspiracy has been lifted--the conspiracy to isolate women/mothers? Well, yes. I could say that, but honestly, I think we do it to ourselves. I know I do. I don't want people to know that I'm not perfect. I don't want people to judge me, my clothes, my children. I don't want people to reject me--the new me, the identity I've found in my new role. It's just easier to stay home, right?

Easier. But maybe not best?

I am not alone. I am deeply encouraged.

And it's with these two refrains that I say a prayer of thanks to sweet Jesus, and then put this weary girl to bed.


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